Hail Antichristmas

A Holiday Season in the Abyss

I didn’t always celebrate Satan at Christmastime.

I say “celebrate” instead of “worship” because I don’t actually believe in The Devil, I just enjoy the concept of evil incarnate, a single entity that is the pain of the world. I also grew up listening to devil music—first Motley Crüe, then on to Slayer and Venom, then deeper into the flames with Deicide, Morbid Angel, and Rotting Christ. I also love a good satanic horror film like The Exorcist, Angel Heart, The Omen, and the magnum opus that is The Exorcist III. My relationship with Satan (as a concept) is a long and layered one, but merging Christmas and The Devil is something I started doing in 2019. That makes this my sixth year hailing the dark lord for the holidays, and I don’t plan to ever stop. Today, I’d like to explain why.

First, let me assure you I am not trying to convert anyone to my blasphemy (not in any serious way, anyhow), nor am I dumping on those who celebrate in the traditional Christian manner. If you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, Ramadan, Tet, or any other winter festival, I wish you the merriest possible time with the added bonus of a Happy New Year. I respect your right to celebrate your faith, provided it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else and you don’t set up your decorations on public property. I don’t erect a statue of Baphomet at the park, so keep your nativity scene away from town hall.

If you want people to respect your traditions, you must show equal respect to theirs, no matter how unconventional or disturbing they seem to you. So please, don’t lecture me about how I’m going to a Hell I don’t believe exists. Just let me have my demonolatry and leave me be, or better yet, throw up the horns with me! Antichristmas isn’t about being a dick. I don’t shout “Hail Satan” to people who wish me a merry Christmas. I’m not out there burning down Christmas tree lots or pulling into Chick-Fil-A blasting Slayer’s “The Antichrist.” It is not my intention to piss on anybody’s precious little holiday. I am merely offering an open invitation to all those looking for a different route to enjoying the season.

Now that I’ve gotten the opening clarification out of the way (a prerequisite to writing an opinion on anything in this shitty decade), let’s get into what the hell made me start celebrating the holidays with Lucifer.

JOY

My dislike for Christmas really started with working retail. Anyone who has toiled in customer service during the holidays will understand this immediately. There’s no hell quite like catering to cranky customers and vicious Karens while being forced to listen to Christmas carols for eight to ten hours straight, five days a week. When your occupation involves making other people’s holidays special, you end up sacrificing your own. It’s essentially Christmas suicide. Seeing just how awful people become when they enter a store permanently eliminates any feelings of good will and cheer Christmastime is supposed to have. You realize these are mere illusions, part of the cruel lie that is a commercial Christmas, much like its unobtainable comfort and joy.

But while my experiences working in grocery stores put a damper on my holiday spirit, I didn’t really start loathing Christmas until 2011. That was the December my mother died from cancer at the young age of 60. Yuletide tragedy struck again with a divorce in 2017, the death of my beloved dog Bear in 2023, and now, the sudden death of my puppy Shadow in 2024. There have been other Christmastime misfortunes and miseries, but I won’t bother listing them all here. I’m not looking for sympathy, only explaining the cause of my aversion to this season and my inexorable abandonment of a traditional Christmas.

Early on in my humbuggery, I gravitated toward anything that either soiled the holiday spirit with violent horror (movies like Silent Night, Deadly Night and the French film Inside) or showed Christmas for the depressing curse it is for people like me (movies like Bad Santa and The Holdovers). Holiday favorites such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Elf are strictly forbidden in my house (although Christmas Vacation gets a pass because it’s just so fucking funny and is at least honest about how our relatives drive us all insane). But as time went on and more Christmases resulted in additional suffering, the desire for the antithesis of the holiday grew louder and louder until its call was irresistible.

So what is the furthest possible thing from Christmas? What serves as the polar opposite of the annual celebration of Christ’s birth?

The answer is simple: Satan.

Hail my glorious tree topper.

I’m not even the first person to come to this conclusion. Shows like American Dad and South Park have put out Christmas episodes that feature The Devil and his worshippers, and Spinal Tap has an excellent song called “Christmas with the Devil.” Obviously, I revisit these gems every year. Countering Jesus’ birthday with a month-long satanic hootenanny is the ultimate middle finger one can throw in Santa Clause’s big, fat face. It is perfect. It is just. And it is a hell of a lot of fun (pun intended).

So my tree, stockings, and all that other yuletide crap went in the trash to be replaced by a black tree with a pentagram skirt, horror ornaments, red flame-effect lights, a Baphomet statue, and a tree topper of Satan himself, in the form of Baphomet. While I held on to some of the Christmas stuff left over from my childhood, I do not display them, for they bring me only nostalgic sorrow and a longing for those forever gone. The point of Antichristmas is not to wallow in darkness but revel in it. One wipes the tears away in favor of a sinister smile, for the joy of demonic films and satanic rock ’n roll far outweighs the insipid sugar-sweetness of Hallmark movies and Christmas carols.

Some of my decorations

These days, I celebrate with films like Warlock, Starry Eyes, and Prince of Darkness. They don’t involve the holidays, but they don’t have to. They’re horror films about Satan, and that’s what matters now. In lieu of a Christmas playlist, I made a Christmas with the Devil playlist featuring songs like “Until You Call on the Dark” by Danzig, “Fallen Angel” by Lucifer, and “Come to the Sabbath” by Merciful Fate. I assure you it makes for better listening while opening presents than Mariah Carey. That’s right—I still do presents, but they too are twisted in nature. Books, clothes, board games, records—whatever I give my loved ones is in the vein of evil. This is easier than you might expect, as everyone who gets gifts from me are all horror fanatics too. That’s why a trip to Spirit Halloween on November 1^st, when everything is half off, is my equivalent to a Black Friday sale.

This being my sixth year celebrating Antichristmas, I’ve decided to give gifts of horror to my readers too. A new book will soon be announced as a Trianahorror exclusive. I hope to have it out in time for the 25th. Stay tuned for a cover reveal and more details in the coming weeks. All I will say right now is fans of my extreme horror work like Full Brutal, Body Art, and Toxic Love will absolutely feast upon this one.

In addition to this release, I’m hosting a Friday the 13^th sale over at my website that runs from the 13^th to the 15^th. Save 13% on everything, no code necessary (discount will automatically be added at checkout). You too can give the gift of horror to the fright fans in your life! Though this deal isn’t until next week, I have several items on sale right now, so check it out.

I’ve written several stories that put a dark spin on Christmas. A Cold Place for Dying is an ultraviolent thriller that takes place during a Christmas Eve snowstorm. I have a horror-comedy novelette called Fat Fuck in the Christmas issue of The Obituaries, which is about a man cursed to be Santa Claus and the devil worshipping, plus-sized witches he has food orgies with. Both offer readers a glimpse of where my sick mind goes this magical time of year. But if you’re looking for my most satanic work to date, check out my Splatterpunk Award-Winning novel The Night Stockers, which I cowrote with Ryan Harding, the undisputed king of gore.

Now, for Antichristmas VI, I’m working on a whole new novel involving black magic, human sacrifice, and demonic possession. This too will be a splatterpunk novel, only without the deranged humor of The Night Stockers. I expect it to have the same blackhearted tone as Full Brutal and And the Devil Cried. Looking forward to sharing it with you in 2025!

Yes, my friends, Antichristmas is a very special time. It does not care what religion you subscribe to, if any, or what nationality you are. It shuns no race, gender, or sexuality. It is a celebration for everyone who’s sick to death of Christmas and wishes to avoid it completely. For those of us who have experienced holiday tragedies in the past, it offers an alternative that reshapes the darkness of our grief into something we can bang our heads to. It’s Halloween II. It’s every goth’s, metalhead’s, and horror fanatic’s birthday. It’s an escape for all us weirdos who’d rather forge our own path than follow in the footsteps of our ancestors. We don’t need anybody else’s tired traditions. We’d rather create them for ourselves.

This is our holiday season in the abyss. Do what thou wilt.

Until next time, keep reading, and hail Satan.

Your pal,

Kris